Naming Gifts

Ya'll we are heading to the big leagues.

Big boy school.

Full on, all day, called and taxpayer subsidized school.

And I'm seized with the worry and the opportunity.

After many months of school angst, we have landed a place we feel so comfortable.  We feel incredibly lucky to have access to school at Robbie's age, and we feel even better after we have engaged in parent events, teacher questionnaires, and getting to know your family activities over the last few weeks.

I've been surprisingly zen about everything until the last couple days.

Then the school supply list came.

And the teacher welcome email.

And the kid survey.

And all of a sudden you are in the parenting big leagues.

Not worrying about packing a freaking lunch, and remembering swim diapers on Mondays for Annie and Wednesdays for R. Not forgetting that Thursdays is music, and Tuesday is M's birthday so no snack that day, and Friday is school spirit pajama week, and Monday is sticker day, and OIF.

We are moving from basics, safety, supporting and learning environments to the challenges of growth environments.

We are moving, for the first time, to a place we don't know a soul.

And by we, I mean Robster.  Our sweet and cautious and kind and a little scared little dude.

And today, we get the best survey from his teacher.  It's a great one.  One that causes you to reflect, be honest, and find good words to find your way around your potty training troubles, because, you know, you don't want to be that Mom.

And you have to put words to your child.  Your child, the one that is a piece of your heart, running around.

You want to name his gifts and challenges honestly. 

You want him to be supported the best he can be.

• What are your goals for your child this year?
• What does your child enjoy doing? What interests does your child have?
• What motivates your child?
• What games does your child like to play?
• When your child is upset, what are some strategies that you find helpful?
• When your child has conflicts with other children, what are some ways he/she works them out? Please share any information I should know about your child (bathroom needs, naptime needs, etc.)

I won't share our words and thoughts, but I will say, we were honest about our kind, tenderhearted, cautious, focused, inquisitive, and a little fearful kid.  We want him to learn to love school and have a lifetime love for learning.  We want him to be a good friend.

How do you tell him his smiles are heart melting?

The fact that he says "I so proud of you Mama" makes your gut seize?

That he sings the "Keep Trying, Don't Give Up" song and sticks out his tongue when climbing a new structure on the playground?

That he knows all the words to both "Carolina In My Mind" and "Nessum Dorma"

That he calls "This Old Man" the "Snowman" song?

That he is exceedingly, heart wrenchingly kind.  Helps "scared friends" find toys, says "its ok", even when he's a little scared.

I wonder how you, who knows our Robbie, would answer these questions.  Are they the same as our answers?

And I would say, how would we, as adults answer those questions about ourselves if our new boss or new roommate or new relationship would want to know them?

Sunrise, sunset ya'll.  I now understand that parental-lump-in-the-throat with school.

Hootie Jr.

I owe so many actual posts-- even have some photos to back them up.

And thoughts?  I have them too.

But for tonight?

A little Blowfish. 

I think this is a cute explosion, but then again, I'm the Mom.

 

Pros

We are ice cream pros, now.

After two attempts.

All ice cream should be consumed buck nekkid

(With diapers or whatever)

On the back porch.

Summer.  We are doing it right.

What it is all about

I think it is no exaggeration when I say Susann and I stand with the support of some truly amazing friends and family.


We made the trek down to see "our people" in South Carolina.  I have lived in Washington for 19 years and while I love this city and the lives we have made here there is no place like home.  SC is far from perfect but the people are simply good - nice to have a horn blown at you to say hi with a wave vs the normal "salute" you receive on the road here in DC.


We started off the week in beautiful Greenville for a 5 day stay.  I have to say that while I love my home town of Marion but I could see us moving to Greenville some day.  Lots of industry, lots to do for the kids and parents and most important FAMILY.


There is NO WAY we could cross the state line into SC and not visit my parents so we spent the last several days in Marion.  To say it was good to see my parents, brothers and sister (who drove up from Charleston to see us) is a massive understatement.  We don't get to chose our family but I would not change a thing even if I could.  They are truly the best and could not provide AH and R with a better example of what a family can and should be.


We are not without challenges in our life as a family, at times they appear to be daunting, and then I look up from focusing on my small world and take a look around.  While our lives are not perfect, we have so very much to be thankful for.  As for the challenges, Susann and I have been blessed with an abundance of ability and just as importantly we have the love and support of our family by birth as well as those brave people who, while they might not be family by blood, are our family of choice.

What would you teach them?

While I'd love to regale you with tails of the full tube of diaper cream that we accidentally left in Robbie's bed, and where that now stands (PS, we're doing laundry)...

And the fact that when looking at her picture book, any time Annie points out broccoli, she says "ROCK!" and does her little rock out to music dance (who knows)...

That he's really into the days of the week, and his favorite?  His favorite day is "Thursday mama!"  (PS, it's only Wednesday bro)

And that one of her favorite words this day is "KICKIN! BOCK BOCK!" (PS, that's chicken (bock bock))...

I want to tell you about one of those conversations I had.  One of those that sticks in your Mom brain, and then a couple weeks later, there's a Washington Post article, and you think the universe is saying, "Write about this!  Stop with the cute kid photos!"

So I'll pose it to you.  She was asked it at a preschool ice breaker.  But I'm asking it to you.

If you could pick one character trait that you could wave a wand and have your children to possess... what would it be?

What would it be?

Chew on that friends.

One trait. 

And she had a good one:  it was resilient.

What a great character trait to give your kids in their lives!  To bounce back.  To bend with the circumstances.  To know there is time for the give and the take.

Resilient is a great one.

I think my Mom may answer something much like that for the character gift that she has given to us.  Her kids.

If I had to describe myself in five adjectives before that conversation, that one may not have been in the mix.  But I think maybe it should be. 

I'm as rigid and type A as it gets.  But damn, I can bounce back.  I can bounce with the best of them, whether I like it or not.  That's been proven in life time and time again, from childhood to today.  And especially in the last few weeks.  Resiliency ya'll.  Let's seek it.

So far be it to steal her answer, and I would if someone may not send this blog along to her, but I still feel like my answer is so very core to the parenting we are attempting. 

My character adjective?  I want Robbie and Annie to be kind.

I hope we are well in hand and en route.

Our children said thank you in their first ten words.

They both do it unprompted.

Robbie's teachers report back almost daily in his day-sheet how kind he was to the newer friends, the smaller friends, and especially the girls (get it Robster)

He helps friends find a toy when they are sad. 

He says "It's okay ('Melia)" if they are crying.

He gives unsolicited hugs in a total tackle around the knees.

And our Sourpatch kid?  The Annie? 

The way she says "Morning!" as we make the rounds at church is heart melting.

So sure, he may have stolen K's book and smacked him on the head.

And she may have bitten a friend AGAIN.

But kindness is a journey.

It still is for me.

And then the Washington Post publishes this yesterday:  http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2014/07/18/are-you-raising-nice-kids-a-harvard-psychologist-gives-5-ways-to-raise-them-to-be-kind/

And the adjectives of caring, grateful, concerned, calm and moral come into the mix.  On something I thought was so simple.  Kindness.

How do you teach it?  Heck if I know.

So I'm asking you? 

What would you teach them?  What would your character quality be?

Winner gets a ride on the carousel