I've certainly written it in my mind before.
Now that I'm pregnant again (and so lucky to be so), I feel like I have a sort of infertility PTSD.
I'm just waiting on the other foot to drop.
The cycle that was successful wasn't an easy one.
They doubled my medicines. I was ready in 5 days instead of 15 like the cycle before.
It worked.
Only "kind of" at the beginning.
When you go through fertility treatments, they have you come in for 2-3 "betas" or HCG draws where they measure the amount of pregnancy hormone in your body and if it is doubling every 48-72 hours.
Except my first beta was low.
My second beta didn't double.
So I had to go back for a third, fourth and fifth. The most glorious of which was on a business trip where I had to leave my baby at my parents, find a LabCorps in Greenville, SC and make an excuse of why I was doing so.
Add on top of that an outbreak of Fifth's Disease at the Robster's daycare the week I find out that I'm pregnant. And the news that Fifth's Disease isn't so bad, unless of course you are pregnant and you get it and it can cause fetal demise.
And another trip to my OBGYN to test for Fifths.
And waiting over the weekend for the results.
Then coming in for my 12 week appointment, becuase you know, I'm cool like that. I'm such a laid back woman that I didn't schedule an intake appointment at my OB when I was released from Shady Grove, just went ahead and waiting for my 12 week appointment. (You know. The laid back?)
And them not finding a heartbeat, and needing to do an ultrasound, and it being totally ok but me in my mind thinking "it's totally not ok".
And then going in for my 16 week appt on Wednesday and it taking another 10 minutes to find a heartbeat that wasn't my heartbeat, and it being totally ok but me in my mind thinking "it's totally not ok".
I said something about infertility PTSD to my doctor that afternoon, and he said "that's a really interesting way to think about it".
Maybe I'm on to something here.
Infertility? It screws with your mind.
Maybe I need to start a website.
Pregnantandwaitingontheothershoetodrop.com
Or pregnantfornowaskmeagainnextweek.com
Or theysayimpregnantimnotsureibelievethem.com
Cause you know? PregnantPTSD.com is just too mainstream.
Hugs to you. Sounds very similar to pregnancy loss PTSD. Try to enjoy every moment as much as you can!
ReplyDeleteI like this post a lot, but you know me. I like the touchy feely posts the most.
ReplyDeleteI think it's an actual thing. My sister is going through it right now. Infertility is very very cruel, but keep going and you'll see that there really is a babe in there!