I Don't Speak Baby

I don't speak baby.

I don't speak toddler.

I never bought into the "that's the sleepy cry" and "he must be hungry".

I excelled at French.

I took Spanish for fun in college to pad my GPA.

But I don't speak Toddler.

I clearly don't until stand that "GAHEAJT WHATERERWA BUS" means, "Oh my goodness, today is the best day of my life, can you believe that I see not only one bus but two buses, and they are both right there and OMG OMG OMG."

I can conjugate the subjunctive tense.

But I don't know that the during-the-sermon-AH-cry-that-happens-at-11:15 will ALWAYS end with her passing out after two minutes.  But that two minutes?  Excruciating!

Thank to Mrs. Britt and 8th grade, I can list all the prepositions that exist.

But I clearly don't get that now that I have thrown all the toys out of my crib, refused my paci, and scoffed at your offer for water? 

That means I have a dirty diaper.

HOLY SCHIZZ, CROCODILE TEAR  MELTDOWN MELTDOWN?

Did you know that means, "could you kindly take off my socks, dear mother?"

And BAAAAA BAAAAA  BAYOOOON BAYOOOOON?

"Why look at that beautiful balloon, would you mind procuring it for me, kind milk lady?"

Do they make a Rosetta Stone for this?

Because I don't speak baby.

I'm super good at lots of things.

But motherhood?  The jury is still out.

B+

I never strived to get higher than that in college, so why is that not enough for me now?

I'm good at my job.  But I don't speak baby.

(But I do speak squishy baby rolls).