35. The Fertility 40.

I'm a day shy of it.

The infertility hill.

In 3 hours, I will be over the fertility hill.

All the statistics.  All the dramatic testimony and posturing aside.  I'll be 35.  I'm advanced maternal age.

I don't want to be finished building our family, but financially I am.

But I don't like this fertility bogey. 

35.

When you go in for your first fertility consultation... for us, it was almost three years ago... they show you the chart.  The alleged drop off in fertility.

It's not a drop at 35 on their charts.  It's a Marinas Trench.

You think "my Mom had my sister when she was 32"

"My husband's Mom had him when she was 40."

I'm not those numbers!

But am I?  Am I subject to the torture of chemicals and miscarriages and scary odds on birth defects?  Am I destined for more intervention if we decide we aren't finished with this family thing?

Do I just move past it and not think about it?

35.

And why was my cliff earlier?  Why was it 29 or 30 or 31 or 32 or all those years that ticked by without successful pregnancies?

All the doctoring sites have articles on "pregnant after 35".  Like it's a new thing.

It can't be a new thing in DC... right?

Right?

35.

I love birthdays.

I don't hate aging or progressing in life, or thinking about where I am and where I've been.

But I hate finality of statistics.

I don't like statistics defining who I am.  What category I fit in and what my chances are.  On anything.

35.

I don't like what that number scares into my unmarried bests, or my married bests, or my trying and struggling bests.

I don't like that a number creates a fear.

But if it creates that fear in me, who can say, I'm where I need to be.  My life is full.  My heart is full.  Who needs that fear for those I love?

35.

Fie to you statistics!  Hooray for you 21st century. 

Screw you for making women who are pursuing careers before families worry.

Bite me for having HPost, etc ever writing articles on egg freezing and preserving fertility and blah blah blah.

35.  You can kiss my infertile arse.

For me, for those wishing and wanting.  For those building and those built. 

Be kind.

35 is the Fertility 40.