Saturday, January 23, 2016


Well, the proverbial sh*t hit the fan.

Well, the snow did.


All the lovely snow days before ! Whose house can we make it to?  Let's drink crappy wine and vodka, and eat Doritos, Pizza Rolls, and Dip like it is our last meal.  Let's "I've never" and "A%$hole" and sure you can sleep over on my couch.  For days!

I could tell you all the stories about Snowpocalypse.  The house fire.  The being in a hotel forever.  The walking to dirty low rent Stans for cocktails because it was right there.  The being in a hotel with your dog.  Husband.  And one functional stove burner.  The pregnancy announcements of ALL THE PEOPLE a few months later than made an infertile woman a little stabby.

What a difference 5 years makes.

This snowstorm is for real.  Like for real real.

And sorry, sportsfans, maybe I am lacking an awesome-parenting-chromosome...but the magic isn't there. 

Yes.  I said it.  Blizzards are way more fun pre-kids.

I was listening the drunkish hipsters reveling in the middle of our VERY BUSY road last night, and I wanted to say "I WAS YOU!  COME MEET OUR THREE CHILDREN!"

I look out the window now? 

Said drunk hipsters (same or no, unclear), still reveling, walking down the middle of the road.

Our SNOW IN the last couple days?

Keeping it real here:

We'll start at wakeup on Friday.  School closed.  Work on telework. 

8am: Holy crap.  Everyone is still asleep.

"Why are we awake" 

"Because all the Southerners keep calling us to check on the storm."

Let's leisurely wake up, make a giant snowday breakfast, involve the kids.  Eggs, sausage, fruits, we are killing it.

OOOH.  Let's make a "work plan".  Montessori kids love work.  Let's list all the things!  Robbie loves all the things!  Let's post this list on the internets now.  Guess who put what on this list!

We fold laundry!

We put away the last of the Christmas wrap!

We leave the TV off for the WHOLE MORNING!

Let's take a lovely family walk!  Look at us getting fresh air and anticipating the storm.  Let's totally take a picture of it for the Internets

Let's take a before picture.

Let's finish that leftover pizza.


(Hustles to get work report out.  Work report out.)

"Shawn, go get some chicken wings, you are going to be eating my crappy comfort food for the next 48-72 hours.  And all the comfort food I know has massive amounts of carbs and you are on Atkins, are you sure there isn't a blizzard waiver.  Also get me some Thai food en route.  What do you mean the Thai place is already shut down?"

(Oh crap.  The snow started).

"You still need to nap"

"No, we aren't watching Frozen"

"Yes, I know its snowing"

"Fine. Get up."

Let's COOK ALL THE THING!  Broccoli and cheese soup with the leftover honeybaked ham bone!

Faux Rice Krispie treats with cheerios!  Look how lovely we are with all our snow day activities!  Our happy children!

Happy children get TV.  All go to bed.

Congratulate self.  We are #killingit at parenting!  Parenting in snowstorms is awesome!  We are so good at it!

Pour cocktails.  Then some more.

"MAMA, Is it wake up time?"

6:30.  It is decidedly not wakeup time.

Three year olds can't tell time.

Buy ourselves  30 minutes.  That's it.

Ok, snow is lovely.  Kids are excited.  Let's be the awesome parents that we are.

Shawn shovels, I, with kids, go to make lovely breakfast.

(Edit:  I put children in front of TV, go to make lovely breakfast)

Make lovely eggs and sausages and smiley face blueberry pancakes.

We are such good parents!

(Well, maybe another show.)

"Robbie want to look at your work list?  We still need to wash some whites"

(Answer is decidedly no.)

I take a shoveling shift.  I'm loving it.  10ish.  HI NEIGHBOR!  Lovely lovely community let's all help each other.  Help ALL THE PEOPLE. Hooray shoveling!  We are all together!

Greet a trudging hipster with "good morning".  Get met with "I'm hungover".


Ok.  We've done some digging.  There's a metric shit ton of snow out here.  Let's jump on the taking-kids-outside-in-the-snow grenade.

(Dressing kids)

(Dressing some more kids)

Ok, kids outside.

Token baby in snow picture.

(He loved it). 

Send nice camera and Shawn inside.  Force "big kids" to "burn energy" by walking to the corner.

End up with 3 year old on my shoulders because the snow is literally to her shoulders.

Ill advisedly looking for the magic, have try to make snowmen. 

Snow too dry.

Snow balls?



Great.  Now we are all wet.  And one is crying.

Fine.  Let's pull the ripcord. 

Let's eat those lovely Cheerios treats!  And the first hot chocolate our kids have ever had!  Isn't this lovely??


Force leftover soup options. 

Not loved.

Ok.  That digging soreness is setting in.


No one naps. 

Four year old breaks cardinal family rule.  He becomes banished from house.  Dad goes with.  (No, I didn't send him into the tundra alone.  Considered it.)

All TV privileges removed for the day for the elder.  (Oh crap)

Fine, we'll effing watch Frozen, AH while the boys are out.

(I definitely maybe could have fallen asleep on the couch while said Frozen is watched).


"Get out of the kitchen.  I said get out of the kitchen.  Don't touch.  Stop touching.  DO NOT TOUCH"

6:30:  Bedtime? 

Yes. Bedtime.

6:31:  Mom pours a cocktail.

So yea, how's your storm going?  I don't even have any freaking Totinos pizza rolls.  (Pepperoni please).

You are welcome to sleep on my couch if you come with pizza rolls.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Parenting First

Tonight I removed my first splinter with tweezers.

Pro-tip:  It sucks to take a tweezer to the foot of a VERY YELLY three year old.

I succeeded.

But lordy.