Tuesday, May 21, 2013

I Don't Speak Baby

I don't speak baby.

I don't speak toddler.

I never bought into the "that's the sleepy cry" and "he must be hungry".

I excelled at French.

I took Spanish for fun in college to pad my GPA.

But I don't speak Toddler.

I clearly don't until stand that "GAHEAJT WHATERERWA BUS" means, "Oh my goodness, today is the best day of my life, can you believe that I see not only one bus but two buses, and they are both right there and OMG OMG OMG."

I can conjugate the subjunctive tense.

But I don't know that the during-the-sermon-AH-cry-that-happens-at-11:15 will ALWAYS end with her passing out after two minutes.  But that two minutes?  Excruciating!

Thank to Mrs. Britt and 8th grade, I can list all the prepositions that exist.

But I clearly don't get that now that I have thrown all the toys out of my crib, refused my paci, and scoffed at your offer for water? 

That means I have a dirty diaper.


Did you know that means, "could you kindly take off my socks, dear mother?"


"Why look at that beautiful balloon, would you mind procuring it for me, kind milk lady?"

Do they make a Rosetta Stone for this?

Because I don't speak baby.

I'm super good at lots of things.

But motherhood?  The jury is still out.


I never strived to get higher than that in college, so why is that not enough for me now?

I'm good at my job.  But I don't speak baby.

(But I do speak squishy baby rolls).

Monday, May 20, 2013

We bought a zoo!

Well, we went to the zoo.  For the first time ever. 

Robbie's teachers have been working on baby signs, and the month of April was devoted to animals.  He is a baby sign and animal noises superstar!  We practice them in the car on the way home.  So far, we've figured out that he knows: fish, bird, frog, rabbit, snake, alligator, dog, cat, cow, elephant, pigar, lion, tiger, be... And while he doesn't have a sign, he always says "RAFF" when he sees giraffes.

The zoo was a huge success until we realized that Robbie is afraid of otters.  And seals.  And any non-fish underwater sea life.

I think it blew his mind that the ZOO and ANIMALS were real things, not just things we talked about and read books about.  See: Cow.

So glad Robster's girlfriend, the Linders and her mom were able to join.  21 month olds like to hold each other's hands.  Cute and functional!