Mom guilt. I should be feeling it about the fact that we haven't done a SINGLE thing for Newtess with only 12 weeks left, but I'm not yet.
I should be feeling it about our house being a disaster and having two traunches of family coming to visit in the next month, but I'm not yet.
I should be feeling it about the fact that my kid now watches Barney for 15 minutes a night. It buys time to cook dinner, switch laundry, etc, but I'm not yet.
I should be feeling it because I'm feeding my child microwave veggie steamers of broccoli and cheese because it's the only vegetable he'll eat... but I'm not yet.
But today? Today I let those pregnancy hormones go and wept about the fact that we put in our 30 day notification at Robbie's daycare that we love.
He's 2 blocks from the office. He had caretakers that love him and he loves them back. They help us negotiate new parenthood, and keep him safe and well taken care of so we don't worry for a minute during the day. They are also one of the three most expensive centers in the city.
We have known for awhile that we prefer a daycare center. It is without a doubt the best fit for Robbie's personality, and he has thrived. But with Newtess on the way, we can't swing paying the equivalent of a mortgage on an $800,000 house just to keep both babies in that Center. We just can't do it.
So we found a new location and after 9 months on the waiting list, we have a spot.
The new daycare? A mile from work instead of a 2 block walk.
In a church, and much larger.
Great playground, great teachers.
And affordable for both babies.
So why do I feel so guilty?
I can't place it.
Pregnancy hormones say "I had to move several times as a kid and I don't want to be uprooting my happy child."
They say that with tears and irrationality and guilt.
I'm mostly worried about the unknown. We KNOW the Robster is happy where he is. He crawls away from us in the morning without a second look. He grins when we come to pick him up. He plays nicely and hasn't shown us any signs of separation anxiety. Yet.
But in 30 days that may all change.
Who knows how much a 13 month old comprehends, but we're about to throw him into a new school with new teachers, new friends, new rules, and then we're going to place a new crying baby in his universe six weeks later.
I have it.
See? Even Robbie looks concerned.