Monday, October 26, 2015

Tick Tock: Aka, A Day in the Life

Female and male minds work differently.

It's not bad or good.  It's just different.

Nothing makes that more obvious than being in the time of our lives (aka NOW) when everything (and I mean everything) depends on logistics.

I was laying in bed a few weeks ago, talking through the next day, and explained to Shawn it's the "tick tock"

To anyone who worked in events, logistics, political planning, etc... I think this makes sense.

You plan events down to the minute.  The minutiae.  It matters.  You leave time for the applause.  But you move the day along.    (PS, I totally had to google how to spell minutiae.  I'm still not sure it is correct.)

So let's do this.  24 hours in the Edwards life.

I'll start at 9pm last night.  So really.  24 hours.

9:03pm:  HOLY COW both "big" kids are asleep.  In the same room.  Realize that this hasn't happened without being separated into different rooms in three weeks.  Congratulate self.

9:06pm:  Weigh in on online group with inane comment.

9:10-9:20 pm:  Refresh, hoping your inane comment was received as funny.  Realize this will be a boring part of your tick tock, so tune into 90 Day Fiance.

9:30pm:  "Top off" baby with a bottle.  Remember that time he slept 9 hours.  Can't remember what you did that time, but want to do it again.

9:47 pm.  Inane commentary.

9:50 pm:  Realize there's laundry in the dryer.  Fold it.  Be impressed with yourself that you did said laundry.  Three loads of it.   And folded it!  And put it away! Pour a congratulatory cocktail.  Cheers!

9:53 pm:  Actually, ask husband to put said laundry away.  Congratulate him too.

10:02 pm:  Point a stumbling kid in a pull-up towards the potty.  One of these days he'll be night trained, right?

10:03 pm:  Realize you missed all the good bad reality tv.  Somehow still stay awake for 90 minutes.

10:10 pm:  Send cute picture of the baby to everyone who you think won't be annoyed by it.

10:15 pm: Send cute birthday party pictures to parents of everyone from today's big kid party that you think won't be annoyed by it.

11:30 pm:  Have the "why am I still awake" conversation with self.  Go to sleep.

2:18 am:  WAHHHHHHHH.  Think "well that topping off didn't work".  Give it 2 minutes.  Yea, no.  He wants to eat.  Have the "maybe I'll only do a bottle tonight" conversation with self quickly.  Self loses.  Bottle and breastfeed.

2:45 am:  Actually fall asleep easily after conversation with self about do-I-need-to-set-alarm.  You don't set alarm.

6:05 am:  Husband's alarm goes off.

6:13 am:  It goes off again.

6:20 am:  The baby goes off.  &*%$@#$!  (That hyperlinked somehow.  Leaving it in because I can't wait to see what the heck it links to).

7:00 am:  Wake big kids.  Have them choose own outfits.  Negotiate for one TV show. 

7:02 am:  Correct one child's choice of a nightgown for school.

7:04 am:  Choose said show.  The one that is most enjoyable for me.

7:30 am:  Kids shoe themselves.  I reshoe one.  Give them half a banana and half a frozen waffle each.  Have a momentary pang of "Most important meal of the day."  Dismiss it quickly.

7:32 am: Kids in car.  Congratulate self.

7:50 am:  A dropped at school including an impressive retelling of the Wizard of Oz that we watched last night.  Congratulate self on already procured Dorothy costume for Halloween sold to said 2 year old.  Finally.  Don't mind that she's calling herself "Princess Dorothy".

8:15 am: At R's school.  SAHMFN (Stay at home mom for now) mission one for the day: selling tickets for fall festival.  Put kid to work.  Realize my socially-awkward, introverted "we'll be here all week with tickets for the fall festival" pitch is totally dwarfed by his "How many tickets would you like to buy".  Let him sell for the remainder of the time.

9:10 am: SAHMFN mission two:  Coffee with the other Moms at local coffee shop.  Enjoy self.  Liking this life.  Confessing to other Moms that your plans of making family costume aren't going to happen and must embark on search for Toddler-Sized Superman costume 5 days before Halloween.

10:00 am:  Leave to find said costume.

10:20 am:  Store one:  No costume.

10:35 am:  Store two:  No costume.

10:36 am:  Cursing, text husband with concern.  He suggests to Amazon Prime said costume.  I wrestle momentarily mentally with supporting local business.  We Amazon. 

10:37 am: Realizing need zen moment, drive to beautiful fall view you saw en route to yesterday's birthday party to take walk, impressed that it's at least close to your no-costume destinations.

10:45 am:  Begin walk.

10:55 am:  Realize you haven't seen a soul on your walk in a forest in the city, and a police helicopter is circling.  Text husband where you parked in case this doesn't end well.

11:45 am:  It ends fine.

12:45 pm:  Back to house.  Lets nap!  All of us!

12:52 pm:  Baby:  LET'S NOT!

1:03 pm:  Well, let's at least shower.

1:20 pm: And remember to defrost that steak for dinner.

1:23 pm:  (And cat nap).

3:03 pm:  Well, as long as we're awake, let's feel embarrassed about that just napped shower hair, and go pick up the prescription that CVS has been calling about for 2 weeks.

3:15 pm:  CVS cannot find said prescription.

3:20 pm:  Calls for a VERY LARGE DIET COKE from the McD's drive through and a drive for kid pick up.

3:45 pm:  Playground child, not your own, questions your VERY LARGE DIET COKE.  You refrain from calling it "mama juice".  For now.

4:00 pm:  Playground time with oldest after school pickup.  Remembered grapes to share with friends.  Congratulate self for not only remembering a snack, but having it not be unhealthy.

4:37 pm: Wrestle child off playground to pick up father and sister.  He needs to go to bathroom.  Send him upstairs alone.  You know being Montessori and all.

4:42 pm:  Runs down the stairs and declares to everyone that he pooped.   Others embarrassed.  I cheer, being only the third time at school ever (like in 15 months) this has happened.

5:00 pm-6:15 pm:  Minute by minute (literally) tick tock time. Return home, dog walked, dinner going, children manage to remove tape and unpack HUGE box of clothes from Aunt Em, Mom insists on all clothes being returned and refolded, strike of genius remembering where missing ruby slipper from Dorothy costume is, unearth it in closet on first try, kids and dad fed, baby eat.  Think that the actual break down in minutes is both depressive and impressive.

6:20 pm:  Unapologetic tv time for children. 

7:00pm:  More unapologetic tv time for children.

7:10 pm:  Settle MASSIVE battle about one-balloon-in-house-that-barely-has-helium-in-it.

7:30 pm: Bedtime attempt 1

7:55 pm:  Bedtime attempt 2

Reporting live at 9:27 pm:  Bedtime attempt 5 is still in action.

(Note, only 2 of 5 of us bathed today.  I'm now eating taquitos for dinner.  The prescription we actually needed wasn't at CVS.  I'm selling festival tickets again tomorrow.  And did I mention that we have "BIG SPECIAL HALLOWEENY ANNIVERSARY NON-NORMAL DAYS" for the next our days.

So yea. 

I have no idea how we're going to do this when I go back to work.

James thinks I'm killing it.

And that's all that matters for now.

Post-Script Dispatch:  Go in at 10:22 pm to change PullUps.  A is standing straight up in bed.  Wide awake.  "YOU GONNA BE TIN MAN MAMA??  I SO EXCITED FOR HALLOWEEN!"



  1. "your plans of making family costume"?

  2. I love it. I was told today by the Hubster not to bake any bread since I've done so much already for the day. Meanwhile, I'm paying bills and balancing our YNAB account while he sleeps. He'll regret telling me not to bake when we run out of bread tomorrow.