Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Quitter

I quit breastfeeding.

Monday.

I haven't looked back.

BFing?  It isn't for everyone.

I can't even begin to explain to you how the culture of breastfeeding in DC makes a competent, strong, confident woman feel terrible about herself.

I tried everything.  Lactation consultants.  Fenugreek.  Pumping.  Not pumping.  Cluster Feeding.   Drinking lots of water.  Dark beer. 

It never worked.

The most milk I ever produced a day pumping?  2 ounces.  Total.  In 7 pumping sessions.  And that was six weeks ago.

My baby needs 28 ounces.  A day.

I let go of the guilt at 6 weeks when it turned out I was starving my beeb, but tried to BF a few times a day with the assumption he wasn't getting anything (and supplementing with formula).  We now guess he was getting less than 1/4 of an ounce of milk from me. 

I started meeting strong, intelligent, educated wonderful women who also let go of the guilt.  Doctors, lawyers, businesswomen, lobbyists, professors...

I was chilled early when a perfect stranger saw me mix a bottle and asked why I was doing it instead of breastfeeding.  I never even told Shawn that.  It was only my third time taking the baby out alone.  I wasn't getting enough sleep, was doing my best, and just needed my baby to be eating.

And then I realized that I needed to stop listening to and worrying about the women who didn't KNOW me, judging me.

A few years ago the Atlantic did a story on the breastfeeding wars.  I can't say I agree with everything in it, but I think it gives a good snapshot into the complexity of the debate and the culture wars, also named "Mommy Wars" that have surrounded it.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/04/the-case-against-breast-feeding/7311/

And I ask you, when you see someone mixing formula... or someone breastfeeding... or any new mom out.  Just be kind.  Or don't say anything at all.

She's doing the best she can.

Robbie? 

I think he's going to be just fine.

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