Thursday, December 20, 2012

What Comes Next?

What comes next when your infertility journey is over?

Is it ever really over?

Shawn and I would love to have more kids.  I know we're saying that only a couple of weeks into the second, but we would. 

The reality of DC, however, is that it probably just isn't feasible.  With all of our fertility treatments being out of pocket, in addition to child care, space in our house, hopes for a Virginia move on the horizon, college savings, weddings some day, etc., our reality is that our family building journey is probably over.

So where does that leave us? 

Our infertility, our loss... is it "cured"?  Is that part of your life ever really cured?  If you are successful, what do you owe back? 

I feel like we owe something back.

We were lucky.  We are lucky.

Jules and I were joking the other day that I seem to have a spidey sense of those struggling with infertility or loss.  Maybe it is my version of gaydar, but I pick up on those who aren't having as easy of a time as others. 

I want to be a safe place for people to talk.  I want friends, acquaintances, total strangers to ask question.  I want to be open with our journey. 

I AM open with our journey.  It doesn't scare me.

I've met several strangers-to-me through being open. Friends have referred other friends to me as somewhere to get honest advice and an open heart to infertility struggles. I thrive on that. 

But is it time to turn from being a passive recipient to be active?  And what does that mean?  Do I owe more than I talked about in this post?

Should I try to start a RESOLVE group?  Do I have time and the capacity for that commitment? 

Does my serving on the public policy board at RESOLVE resolve my hope to give back?  What else is out there?  What else do people need?

Everyone's journey is different.  The endings aren't always as happy as ours.  Most families have to spend a lot more money.  A lot more time.  Endure more loss and more heartache than I probably have the capacity for.

The other side? It is totally worth it. But not everyone gets there.

I don't need anything else for Christmas.  We have it all.

I'm glad we're there. 

Now I want to start repaying for the joy we have.

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