We've had a tough week. Tougher than any week I remember for Robster. He really was a laid back baby. AH isn't a HARD baby per se, but we were really really really spoiled with Robbie.
Like really spoiled.
Maybe it is the sleep deprivation, or the pacing at 1am, but I had a eureka moment the other night on hour three of Anna Helen's... "talking."
And here's the Top 5 reasons why parenting a newborn is like being a college freshman:
1) THE WOOHOO FACTOR: You are all like WOOOHOOOOO, I'm in college! WOOOHOOOOO, I'm a parent. I have waited my WHOLE LIFE for this.
And then the "oh shit" sets in. The what the heck did I do? What have I gotten myself into. Did I make the right decision? Is this where I'm supposed to be? And when? Why is my roommate so damn crazy? And moody? Why didn't I get that chillaxed one down the hall as my roommate. She seems so normal and easy and here I am with someone who might need some Xanax.
2) THE NEW FRIEND FACTOR: You are in this CRAZY new place. There's this whole SUBCULTURE of people in the same place as you. You find those people and you are like "OMG HEY WE ARE BFFS FOREVER WE ARE SO THE SAME". And it takes some time to sort out the real friends from the we-are-friends-because-we-are-going-through-the-same-thing-friends. The we are friends because we are in poly sci 101 together friends, from the ones you can talk to about life.
About things other than sleep schedules and feeding schedules and OMG why doesn't my baby ever sleep.
And slowly, but surely, the real friends start to emerge. The ones that add the mimosa factor to a 10 am playdate. The ones that totally understand when in the middle of dinner out you have to get your food to go.... you know the dinner you met at 5pm for because 5pm is the new 8pm. The ones that ask for the check right after ordering because it is 6:30 and you may be subject to an epic toddler meltdown in 3-2-1....
3) THE FAKE ID FACTOR: Otherwise known as, you would kill for a drink, but don't have easy access to drinks. Breastfeeding... being underage... whatever. It's all the same. You want a drink, you are 19, you have to figure out the logistics and time and place and reason you can get your hands on one. You pour a cocktail when you start feeding because you don't want to waste that good milk that is so hard to come by!
4) THE FRESHMAN FIFTEEN FACTOR: You find yourself once again eating like no one is monitoring your food intake. Easy to grab? Sign me up. Hummus seven meals in a row? Sure! Do they sell cookies in bulk at Costco? Buy me THREE! I'm breastfeeding and get 500 extra calories a day? I'm going to wash those cookies down with a cheeseburger.
5) THE FAST AND FURIOUS FACTOR: Freshman year was hard. Really hard. It was just a whole new world. I loved it. I hated it. I wouldn't change a moment of it. I was doing things I never thought I was capable of. I was living a life I never thought I was capable of. But I was changing. And not everyone else was. Some friendships stayed, some grew distance.
And here I am. Changing. And not everyone else is. I'm seeing some friendships fade, and finding ones that I never knew existed. I'm needing help and finding it in the most unlikely of places. I'm expecting it from others and never hearing a peep.
Life is fast and furious these days. It's fun. It's tiring. But it is also eye-opening. Who is real and who is not. What is real and what is not. What is important and what is not.
And it will be just like freshman year of college. I'll look back and think "that was awesome". I'm already looking back and thinking "this is awesome". This is probably the last time I'm going to get to do this.
It's not easy.
It's not perfect.
But it is awesome.