Monday, June 23, 2014

The One with the Bandaid and the Hot Dog

You thought you were losing it when you cut the heck out of your finger on the condensed milk for the banana pudding (that you made HOMEMADE WHIPPED CREAM FOR??)...

Or when you, for the fourteenth day in a row, left your keys at home and had at swap off with your husband...

Or when you send an email to yourself about EVERY SINGLE THING... or schedule an Outlook meeting request about EVERY SINGLE THING...

"Switch laundry"

"Bring swim diapers"

"Ground turkey out of fridge to defrost for dinner"

"Pick up medical form"

"No really, pick up medical form"

"If you don't pick up medical form, your child will go educated forever, come on Susann."

Mom brain, no... tired parent brain, it's a thing ya'll.

We can't be the first to forget to put a diaper on the kid before he goes to bed, right?

Certainly aren't the first who haven't picked up a birth certificate... EIGHTEEN MONTHS LATER.

The one who goes to send an email at work, and within five seconds can't remember who you were going to send an email to...

Or goes to google something critical.  Gets as far as opening the window, sees an outlook email you need to attend to, takes a phone call, sees the google window open, and things, oh shit.

See your wallet on the floor right by the door, and can't remember why you put it there, and then remember you remembered to put it there so you wouldn't forget to switch it to the other bag in the morning.

Are you following me ya'll?

Do you believe I made a cocktail last night, and forgot the vodka?

Drank the whole thing.

No vodka.

Actually thought, "man, the vodka didn't melt the ice too much."

Later:  (it's because I forgot to put it in the drink)

And I win the best of all, when I am at a cookout, I hand the kid his hotdog in a bun.  I remembered the ketchup on the first trip and all, and four bites later, he says...

"Oh no mama..."

"This mama..."

And hands you the BANDAID out of his MOUTH where it had fallen off your finger from the aforementioned condensed milk can incident.

So yea.  That's the one with the bandaid and the hot dog.

May it go down in tired mama history.

At least there was watermelon.

And trampolines.

And tasty bandaids.

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