Really really hard.
I've come to the conclusion that I bought into all the hype. All my friends/family who said "you are going to be the BEST mom".
I'm not so sure I'm a natural at this.
I'm having a really difficult time conceptualizing this is my life for the next four months. Wake, feed, diaper, sleep, pump, repeat.
It's really difficult to do something with no "measurable" sign of success.
I'm used to those metrics.
I'm NOT used to staying in my house all day. Every day.
So mission for the week: make a new friend. Which I don't do well.
I'm shy. (I know, yadda yadda, no one believes this...)
But its true.
The thought of approaching a stranger on a playground, or joining a playgroup or meet up of new moms makes me seize in fear.
Will they judge me for supplementing with formula? Are they naturals at this? Did they read all the books that I just have accumulating on my shelves? Do they know what all the distinct cries their baby makes mean, and know how to take care of them when they do?
It appears I'm not a natural after all.
Robbie doesn't want to hear it.
Aw, [hugs] my dear girl. It doesn't come easily to anyone at this stage. Your body is worn out, you're not getting sleep, the baby is adorable but a lot of work so it's hard to appreciate his cuteness. And above all that, your entire life as you know it has been torn upside down and will never be the same (in a good way!). You're totally on the right track--meeting other moms is a great thing to do. Call some of your stay-at-home mom friends and schedule lunches. Put him in the stroller and take a walk on a sunny day and other moms will find you :)
ReplyDeleteWish you were local. I'd regale you with the many, many stories of my failures while making you lunch. And people PAY me to watch theirs, despite the fail.
ReplyDeleteDo you know how awesome you are for admitting your true feelings? That is HARD! You are doing it and doing it right, this is your baby and what you feel is best is best, find some moms who are not judgey. They definitely exist. Love you and I wish I had a baby to hang out with you and robbie on maternity leave...maybe I can bring ody the cat in a stroller. That's socially acceptable right?
ReplyDeletep.s. my prove-i'm-not-a-robot word was "reenises" I thought that was funny. I'm an adult.
ReplyDelete